Run For Your Life!

Like Leah was mentioning in her other blog, I've got some real concerns about my weight lately. I'm nudging up on the number my doctor said would be the point when "we'd need to have a conversation." Ugh.
Overall I think I eat pretty well. If I try to eat lighter I end up sacrificing iron, so that's no good. I love my sweet treats but I think I do a pretty good job of keeping myself in check.
I know I need to exercise more--the sedentary life at home is not helping matters a bit. And the whole Pilates class thing just didn't work out. This time of year, I have always loved to go running. The air is so fresh and crisp! But at the same time I am scared. The two times I had kidney stones were precipitated by including running in my life again.
As my aunt pointed out, not running isn't exactly preventing kidney stones, it's just keeping them from coming loose. And I'm trying realllly hard to keep my fluid intake up so that the whole system is flushed out. Any time I notice my pee getting a bit dark, I rush out and buy two giant bottles of Evian!
All of this to say, in the morning I am going to try running again. I don't need a running buddy (I really run better solo) but if this goes okay without causing any medical issues, I do need some running cheerleaders. So check in with me on this one, okay?
Thank you!!

Regroup

I've needed a couple days to kind of refocus on my wants and needs. Seems to be going around a bit lately! :)
The main thing I need to focus on right now, at least for the time being, is simply creating more free time for myself. The ultimate goal is to have time to do the "want to do's" and the "have to do's" instead of choosing one over the other. So far it's going pretty well--the laundry is done, and I've nearly finished my new book while being able to enjoy it mainly while lounging in the bathtub. Still, there's a lot that needs to be done around the house and a lot of creative projects I need to settle into. So, I just need to keep my eye on the prize right now and keep on this path.
Also, I've got my "recruiting mojo" back at work, so that's good. Makes me feel a bit less overwhelmed all around.

Clean.

I can't help but feel prosperity and a sense of balance and space when my immediate environment is clean and today, the pre-Shabbes tidy has become a pull-everything-out-and-re-order it kind of day. My favorite. I'm tell you, in a parellel life, I must do this sort of thing for a living. It really makes me wag my tail.

Today. Just today.

(Thinking more about yesterday's post, I realized that I am a little emotionally dualistic, perhaps....? I feel like I can have Shit Happen and still be a happy, postive and appreciative person. It's like that thing moms say sometimes, "I love you, but right now I don't like what you're doing." That sort of thing. I can love life and think in a positive manner and still experience whatever. Does that make sense? Maybe that's how my sense of self-reliance works? I don't know. I just know that hard times came in my life when I didn't allow myself to experience whatever I was feeling. The example that comes to mind is when a friend passed away after a long illness. I immediately gathered people and raised money for a research and advocacy association, but I didn't let myself grieve her because I thought it would have been negative. And, at that time in my life, I was so terribly afraid of showing any "negative" emotion. Riasing money wasn't a bad thing, no, but being so determined to make things positive, I wasn't allowing myself to be a human being. What did I think? By admitting that something un-positive had happened and that I had an un-positive emotion to process, woudl i safeguard my life from anything further grief? No. Would I cease to be a positive person, a fun person, a likeable person by sitting in the middle of whatever emotion I had and accepting it? No.

But, it took me a lot of time and work to realize that. And, one day I realized that because every emotion that might ever bubble up is valid just for the mere fact that it did indeed pop up. And, once I had that thought, I sort of began to see every emotion as positive because it meant I was alive and living and not blocking anything that came up.

But, when I am upset about something, I get right down in it and think about it and write about it and then it clears really quickly. So, I perhaps wasn't considering that other people have situations where things snowball. Some are passers. Some are spiralers. We just are. I'm a passer. I'm such a passer that if I don't get to the bottom of an emotion, of a something, that's when trouble and emotional blocked-ed-ness comes in for me.

So, we tend to deal with people the way we feel we want to be treated, and sometimes I've been accused of "asking questions that make (people) wallow" when I just subconsciously assume everyone feels the tug of getting it all out, getting to the bottom of it, squashing it and considering it before it can be constructive and/or useful to them. I didn't consider that some people need to pull out of something to keep it light. I will be more mindful of that. In general, in life, not just here.

This is just me, thinking en blog, outloud, whatever. It is timed well, for the High Holidays and all.)

That's the most I've ever enclosed in parenthesis, I can assure you.

Now! My friend dared me to take three self-portraits. One looking "bad", one looking "great" and one I would call a "risk". I accepted her challenge (she was given the challenge, did it and claims it is liberating and fun and bonding and revealing and clarifying and transformative.). I want a buddy or two or few to do it with me, though. Huh? Anyone? Hello? Is this thing on? Maybe we could post our three pics here? She claims it is

I bought an external hard drive today. I didn't go for the cheapest, I got the best for for my needs, that is of a great quality and will last and be reliable and give me the security I want. Voila!

I would like today, to put some money into of my prosperity account because this dress is adorable. And, because this and this would be happily worn.

Um, and i could go from some good Spanish wine and tapas. Let's go to Seville tonight and have cafe au lait and fresh croissant in the morning in Paris? I'm buying.

Oooh, lovely.

I wanna spend some of that money that is burning a whole in my bank account. I want a ton of these chairs to replace my sofa. They are $2380 each. I need four, maybe five of them. That's about $12000 on new lovely chairs.

And while I already bought new Bar Stools (didn't you all love sitting on them at Rosh Hashanah?) I need newer, better, classier ones. They are in the $700 range and I need four. So that is a mere $2800.

I think that is a nice little shopping spree and turns my condo from shabby chic into classic modern (and maybe a little Austin Powersish.)

Me Like.

Ah, and another thing I should have mentioned.

Is that once I get something off my chest and feel heard, I'm usually ready to put it down. So, I feel better for having vented.

I want to be a little more aware of balancing propserity exercises with my posts again. I miss those.

Teary blogging is probably not the best idea....

A couple of darts were thrown around in the comments section of my blog today that mostly made me laugh, but one in particular knocked the wind out of me.

I'm not one to hold my tongue much, so I want to just put a concern out here in blog world. My entire life, I was told that I had to be positive and happy all the time or something was terribly wrong with me. I was always made to feel that I had to be perfect and brush everything imperfect under the rug instead of talking about it. Over time, I took it upon myself to make sure I was everything to everyone and did everything and did it perfectly and would lie awake at night and fret about all the things I did that could have possibly been negative and made people uncomfortable. Was I thinking about what made me uncomfortable? Not really. I was too busy with my superwoman stuff.

Anyway, after feeling like it wasn't okay for me to have a bad day, or be angry, or for me to be sad, or to be bored, or to be sick or to need rest for, oh say, nearly the first twenty-three years of my life, I went through some seriously hard times a few years ago. I left town. I just bailed. I had to. I think I was just burned out and bottled up and couldn't breathe. Anyway, the particulars of where I went and what I did once I got there are immaterial, but I left for a while and totally flipped and everything I had bottled up my entire life came out.

(Insert time in spent in therapy)

So, it's okay with me if I have a bad day, or if one of you has a bad day and I don't judge you for it. I'm going to allow you to have your bad day or your bad moment. I think it is valueable to think positively and I do even in my worst moments, but I have been off the radar here on this blog for a while because, okay, well, mostly because I've been totally busy, but also because I have been worried that sometimes I feel that (I'm taking responsibility for my part) we tend to not allow each other the room for imperfection.

Really, I'm not leaving, nor wanting to leave. I love this blog! Nor do I want to offend anyone. I'm not directing this to anyone in particular, because we are feeding on each other, I feel, and it's reaching an uncomfortable place for me because I am starting to feel that familiar tug of perfectionism when I write here. And, more than a few times, I post something and feel shortly thereafter that what I wrote wasn't okay-enough or positive enough. And, a couple of times, I have to admit, I read comments on my post and wanted to cry. Not because they were mean-spirited, because they never are, but because reading them made me feel like what I was putting out there wasn't valid or positive-enough. And, everyon want/needs to feel good enough.

I will admit that I have really unsteady legs about this, because this sort of honesty is still only a handful of years of familiar to me. So, I take full responsibility for being hyper-sensitive. I guess I am just putting it out here to let the rest of you know where I am and to be communicative about it. I don't want to hurt anyone, that's surely not my aim, I just wanted to talk about this.

But, again, I don't want to NOT be part of this, I am simply sharing how I feel and where my head is so we can have open dialogue about it, okay?

I love all of you for who you are as individuals and I compare you to no one and I am not angry with anyone. I am just speaking up in order to take care of myself the best way I know how to.....

Suggestions on how I do this.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Love isn't as simple as you wish it would be.On the other hand, it's nowhere near as complicated as you fear it is. Myadvice to you is to extinguish any itch you might have to compel love toserve any agenda at whatsoever. Instead, bow down before it with all theinnocence you can muster, and declare yourself ready to be its humblestudent and servant. Celebrate through surrender.

Boo on You, Ya-hoo

I turned on Yahoo radio this morning, hoping it would help keep me in a groove. My motivation has been much better this week since receiving a very uplifting call from our project lead and finding my new fish still alive and happily swimming about every morning, but music really seems to keep me focused.
Well, Yahoo did not give me a particularly upbeat selection--Alanis Morisette, Pearl Jam, and a variety of really depressing grungy 90's stuff. While I love that music and it hits a very nostalgiac chord in me, five of these songs in a row just isn't much for keeping the positive energy going.
So I turned off Yahoo and put on Prince. How can you be sad while listening to Prince? Okay, and so he's also my crush's favorite musician...what? What about it? ;)
There's Joy in Repetition...la la...Joy in Repetition...

Wonderful Things

In order to combat my cold and general low energy, I need to make a list of wonderful things.

Big Rainstorms are wonderful. Thunder is wonderful. Getting caught in storms (when it is above 60 degrees) is wonderful. Storms that begin and end suddenly are wonderful. The need to huddle together under a too-small umbrella is wonderful with the right huddler.

Spidey curled up on my pillow is wonderful. Spidey on my lap is wonderful. Spidey running like crazy from the living room window to the bathroom to the bedroom is wonderful. Spidey sitting over my shoulder under the warm lamp while I read is wonderful. Spidey trying to get the ice cubes out of my full glass of water is silly and therefore, wonderful.

Ice cubes are wonderful. Specifically, small square ice cubes that are fresh. They are easy to crunch on and last two to three glasses of water. The ice from my automatic ice maker at home is also wonderful, because it is automatic. When I use it all, I turn it on and I get more ice. It might be the best thing about my condo.

Friends are wonderful. The friends I've kept over the years are wonderful, because they've stayed with me through some serious life changes and ups and downs. My new friends from shul are wonderful because they support my avid interest in all things Jewish. My online friends are wonderful because they keep coming back to my blog and commenting. They might not be face to face, but they are just as real. My friends who are also family are wonderful--they've always known me and supported all my crazy decision.

My job is wonderful. It is flexible, I have autonomy, it is fun, I am valued, it is drama free, I am trusted, it is interesting and exciting and cutting edge. My salary is very nice and I would welcome a, hmmmm, $15,000 raise. But I am very comfortable at my current salary.

Treat!

I bought myself a really, really gorgeous duvet and sham set today that I've had my eye on for a while. It's like the perfect bedspreads good hotels have. Ahhh... and it's the perfect color. Um, and so cozy that I've hauled my laptop and officey things into my bedroom and Chairman Meow and I are snuggled up, working from here. Nice. Now, I just need the perfect white sheets and I might not ever leave my bed.

This Oughta Brighten the Place Up

I bought a Betta fish today! He's beautiful--blue & turquoise with hints of purple and a very beautiful fringed tail. I got a whole habitat for him, with filter and everything, on sale at Petco. He now lives on my desk so I have something pretty & interesting to look at during the workday beyond the beige walls of my living room. The best part is the tiny little Easter Island-ish figure I bought for him to hang out around.
So far the kitties have paid no attention to him at all, and he is up too high on my desk for them to get to him. Plus his tank has a lid, so he can't get out and they can't get in.
I haven't named him yet. I have some ideas, but I want to make sure he makes it through the night before I decide on anything. He is so neat, though!

5767 Goals

This year I will.

1. Continue my study of modern Hebrew.
2. Ramp up my study of classic Hebrew in preparation for my Bat Mitzvah.
3. Return to Israel.
4. Start each day with writing.
5. Include exercise in my daily routine.
6. Choose foods that are good for my body.
7. Continue to find order in my house.
8. Allowing items that someone else can use to find their way from my house to their house.
9. To enjoy the beach.
10. To laugh even more than I do already.
11. Drink more water than soda, coffee or wine.
12. Bake challah more often since it is the most effective way for me to pray.
13. Spend time re-reading favorite novels and non-fiction books.
14. Allow an editor to come into my life and edit my book.
15. Continue writing for Shebrew.
16. Allow romance into my life.
17. Release resistance.
18. Allow well-being.
19. Leave it to my manager, you know, that God character? He can take care of a lot of this for me if I choose to let him.
20. Let go, let God.

Why I love my personal Google.

I use the personalized Google home page on my browser. It includes gmail, a few blogs, some top headlines, and my daily astrology blurb.

I was disappointed yesterday. Some things, as hard as I work to stay positive are just not moving as easily as I want. I'm perplexed when I don't get what I desire. God, how can you mean that I'm still offering you resistance?

Then I popped onto Google today and saw my horoscope.

"Set your mind on long-term relationship goals to achieve the greatest potential. Even if you over-inflate your ideal of perfect love, don't let that prevent you from enjoying the fantasies that go along with such feelings. And don't keep the best ones to yourself, for shared dreams are even better than the private ones."

Feeling better already. Seriously. Everyone knows how I want every day to start. Everyone knows how I want to be married. And everyone knows the type of man I want to stand under the chuppah with.

I want to spend my life on the verge of peeing my pants from laughing. I want someone who makes me coffee even if he hates it. I want someone who is strongly Jewish, even if he is differently Jewish. I want someone who cuts through my bullshit and gets to the core issue when I can't get there alone.

I want someone who needs me as much as I need him. Who knows that he can no longer function as an island, just as I am learning that I need people in my life. Independent and strong were good lessons, but I'm ready to fill someone's gaps and have him fill mine.

I wrote down a line from the prayerbook this morning, "After satisfaction, what?" After satisfaction, we need to be needed. I need to carry some of your burden and you need to carry some of mine.

I want someone who ispires me to cook fantastic meals. I want someone who is inspired to take care of his body, because he doesn't want to die before me. I want someone who wants me.

Funky Monkey

My life is good, great, fabulous! I mean, I really truly can't complain.
And yet I am so bored. So demotivated lately. Struggling to do something as simple as the laundry.
I need a kick in the pants. So this week I need to focus on ways to change my surroundings, and motivate, motivate, motivate. My friend Gwyn thinks I need to go out and meet new people more and I think she's right. I think I'm too extroverted to have a job where I am home alone all day. I need to start seriously overcompensating on my public interaction. I need to put the effort into dressing myself as if I were going out every day, and leave the house more often. I need to clean, organize, and perk this damn house up. I need an inspiration to do that. Maybe some new curtains? An Ikea cart for the kitchen? Something, something. I shall think on it.
Meanwhile, I'm open to suggestions...

Westward, Ho!

I hate being that blogger who can't formulate enough of her own creative thoughts and has to rely on song lyrics to get her point across. (my fellow lovelies, if you have ever done this, or used a song lyric for a title, I don't mean you--I mean the ones that fill entire posts with song lyrics on a somewhat regular basis.)
However, I have a very specific set of lyrics from the Red Hot Chili Peppers in mind today:
I'm getting sick and tired of feeling sick and tired
I'm sick of all the bullshit and I'm sick of all the liars
Which sorta sums up my feelings on work this week. Life in general has been nothing short of wonderful, full of blessings and fun and creative outlets. But work this week has just left me draiiiined.
So, after the high holidays (or should that be High Holidays?) I'm packing us all up in a rented VW Bus ala' Little Miss Sunshine and driving out west to spend some time in nature, relaxin' and kickin' back and sleeping under the stars.
That should blow a few thou', easy, factoring in the purchase of camping gear and the cost of gas these days. (I wonder how much it would really cost to rent a VW bus? Hmmm...I smell a project for myself...)

Psychology of Doodles

Looking at my notes from my two day meeting at work, I wondered, "Is there a psychology to doodles?"

Yes there is. Here is what my doodling says about my brain--ranked by doodle density.

Arrows indicate feelings of ambitiousness, drive, and motivation.

Boxes and cubes are universally the most common doodles. They indicate a desire to be constructive. If they're three-dimensional, they indicate an ability or an attempt to see all sides of an issue.

Triangles are the second most common universal doodles. They reveal a rational state of mind and a desire to see things come to a head.

Since they're made with round movements, circles indicate a more passive feeling than angles. They're associated with feeling sociable, talkative and friendly, with a desire to be flexible and loving.

Hooray!

I love my job. I enjoy contributing. I enjoy reframing the situation into something positive for the guys on my team. I love the education part of it. I love the senses of humors.

Things are good.

I also love my duvet where I can't wait to sleep tonight. At like, maybe, 9PM.

focus

I am focusing on:

The right book party venue
The scond manuscript
The editing project
The book sales

The Sensual World

Most of today's purchases will be brought to you by silk, and the letter D and the number 2.
This skirt in red, this top to wear with it, this little nightgown (in blue), and these lovely sheets. I will literally slip right into bed at night!
Please also add these shoes to go with that skirt. Oh heck, these shoes too, just because I love them and I need more red shoes.
The remainder of $1000 will be spent at the Queen Bee website, purchasing darling little bags and wallets for all my girl friends, and in the process supporting an independent woman artist. Hooray!

When Fortune Comes Knocking, Be Prepared

Okay, I've whined a number of times about wishing the man of my dreams would just show up on my doorstep.
Peapod has now sent me TWO hotty mchot-hot delivery men. And both times I have looked like scum, in my ratty pants and my hair pulled back and no makeup.
So, God, I am totally listening. I will clean my living room and look adorable before my next Peapod delivery.
I am also thinking I will start a new vein of romance literature, all centered around Peapod delivery guys...

$1000 is Still Tough

I've bought a bed, bedding, and comforter here, but no mattress. Since I just paid off my real-life mattress, isn't it the American way to get a new one?
I would also like some silk pillowcases to pamper my now-fabulous hair.
Also, this eyeshadow duo from Chanel (called flash-back, it's a lovely pink & deep black-violet pairing):

And a really nice red lipstick, also from Chanel:















What the heck, a nice mascara, too. Last but not least, a few silk scrunchies for me and all my friends. Fa-boo-lous!
(I have to confess, all I can think about in relation to all these beauty products [and perhaps the mattress] is using them to seduce my art teacher [who hopefully never finds this blog]. Perhaps this will serve double-prosperity duty...)

$10,000

With $10,000, I'm throwing a nice party to celebrate my book being available on Amazon.com in a couple of weeks, making a tiny little sample book to distribute on the day it is available, a few new wardrobe basics, a new bottle of Chanel Chance, really luxurious bedding, a new mattress and a new blinds.

Reframe. Reframe.

Do'h!

The bonus rumor was true, but I missed the cut-off by 28 days. You had to be working here full time from July 1, 2005 to get the bonus. I started on July 29, 2005 (although I had been temping here since June 6, 2005.)

That can only mean...

I'm going to welcome something better into my life. (but I'm still a little bothered by it.)

Thinking better thoughts. Thinking better thoughts. Thinking bet...

Like this morning, how I just missed a 136, then thought, "There will be another one" and there was. And it came barreling down sheridan so fast that I missed it too. "That's okay, another bus will come." Not two minutes later, a third 136 express was there to chauffer me to work.

And tonight I get to go bowling with my team and meet some co-workers for the first time in person. Hooray! that will be fun!

I'll walk out with the shoes on and call that a bonus!

An even $10K today?

Oooh, the time is just flying by today and I have $10,000 to spend. And I'm totally blanking on what would be fun to spend it on.

I think I need more theater in my life. I know in the spring I became a sponsor of Steppenwolf, so I think I would like to support a different theater. I'm going to throw it all at a top level sponsorship of the Goodman Theater. Which will gaurantee me a year of theaters, parties, and social events.

Maybe tomorrow I'll buy my $11K theater going wardrobe.

Car is almost paid off!!!

Hi Ladies: I'm up slightly late today and need to walk out the door, but first I'll spend $5,000 on paying off my car. Subaru Imprezza almost alll MINE. :0) Let's let it all in!

Pretty Pretty Princess

The fact that I struggled to even spend $1000 today confirms my thinking that lately I've had trouble with the concept of treating myself. I've accomplished a lot of good things recently, I deserve a treat or two, but all I ever seem to do with my money is go out to eat. (okay, so a friend IS taking me to the outlet mall next weekend--let's open the prosperity and the positive money flow starting tonight!)
All of my choices today are purely around indulgence. I've chosen three different perfumes--Hanae Mori, Masaki Matsushima Chocolat, and Sud Pacifique Vanille Extreme. All perfect scents for fall...and...ahem...perfect scents to make me smell yummy for my art classes. ;) (side note: I almost bought Hanae Mori as a gift to myself when I got my current job but the guy I was dating didn't like it so I didn't. what??? f- that shit!!)
I got a wee sample of the Philosophy hair products, and when I actually use them all together my hair comes out like satin. So I'll take the shampoo, conditioner, serum, and the hair marinating oil. Age, stress, and probably medications have made my skin as dry as my hair, so I'd like to splurge on this super creamy La Mer foundation. Luscious!
Not one to leave a clean canvas blank, let's play with this collection from Laura Mercier.
I'll do a vanilla almond manicure and pedicure at ye olde favorite Spa Space, along with 90 minutes of reflexology treatment, since that's a goal on my 43 Things anyhow.
And this just for shits and giggles. Anyway, I think I could write it off on my taxes if I used it at lunch time to perk up a little. :)

Shyness

This weekend, I have been fighting the worst bout of shyness in probably twenty years, if not more.

I invite a shyness coach into the picture. Someone who can give me come-out-of-my-shell exercises and who will teach me to interact with people in a professional setting without clamming up.

I know why it's been up for me this weekend, and I need to safeguard against it happening again.

I walked into a cocktail party last night and was so afraid to be confronted with a room full of people I didn't know. I eventually made a few friends, but it was terrifying and I spent the first few minutes text messaging so I looked like I had something to do. That's so bad, I know.

And, strangely... I was shy as a kid, then seemed to shake it as a teenager and in my early twenties, but just in the last couple of years, it has come back. I don't feel like it's ego-related, though perhaps everyone would argue with that, but I feel like my self-image is healthier that ever. Hmm... maybe that's it, maybe when I felt bad about myself, I overcompensated by somewhat lacking inhibition when it came to talking to people. So, perhaps now that I feel like Amy Guth Is Okay Just As She Is, I don't feel like overcompensating. But, that really wouldn't explain the fear of walking up to a stranger and talking.

Discuss.

God... about that bonus?

The longer you wait, the bigger the bonus is gonna have to be. You know it is up to $9000 now? And what, you wonder, can Leah do with $9000?

Plenty!

Have I bought a new computer this month? I now it is something I do regularaly, but that is because I want a new computer. In my life as a writer and occasional talker, I have a totally Kick Ass Mac Laptop that comes in around, um $4000? And so I never have to worry about connectivity, I also have a smartphone ($400) that acts as a bluetooth modem and a super duper plan ($2000/year) for all the internet, wireless, talking, texting, uploading, hosting I need.

With the remaining $2600 I think that my new computer and I need to take a writing vacation to San Francisco. I lived there when I was 19 for 9 long weeks. I wanna go back, stay in a luxurious hotel, walk and write all day long. I think I can spend $2600 on a four night stay, don't you?

Luxury, my friends, luxury.

Happy Happy Joy Joy

Well. I have been practicing my meditation all week, usually in the evening, and it may just be a coincidence since the sun is back today, but I woke up feeling realllly good. Hippie-dippie as it may sound, my mantra is "breathe joy in, breathe pain out" and it really seems to be working. Also, I had a random joyful image float by in one session that I try to focus on now. It's me taking a bath at grandma's house as a child. Very simple. Very joyous. I so vividly remember her having those bath oil beads instead of the more pedestrian bubble bath we had at the house, and for some reason I just thought that was so posh.
The other joyful news is that I got approved in phase II of the Chemo Angel process and now I'm just waiting for my patient assignment to arrive! So to celebrate, I walked over to Hazel (LOVE IT!) at lunchtime and bought a pack of very beyoootiful and hip notecards, and some odd but cute little Japanese stickers.
Also, my story about manifesting an oatmeal cookie is over at A Life Much Sweeter. :)

Take $8K tons and what do you get?

Just in case the universe is planning on sending $8000 my way instead of $7000, I best know what I'm gonna do with it, huh?

First I'm going to organize a blog round table with all my blog crushes. Maybe two blog roundtables. One will be here in Chicago and will include me, Scott Ginsberg, Garr Reynolds, Daniel Pink, Tim Sanders, and the Signal Vs. Noise boys. Considering Garr has to get here from Japan and others from around the US, I think I'll have to budget $4000 for flights, hotels, meals, invitations, and the architectural tour for everyone.

With the other $4000, I'm going to organize a round table in New York City for my Jewish & spiritual influences. So Rabbi Boteach, Anita Diamant (and her husband), my own Rabbi and Cantor, Jerry & Esther Hicks, Wayne Dyer, and Rabbi Schachter-Shalomi. I think $4000 will cover flights (all these folks are in the US,) kosher dairy meals, hotels, and an architectural tour for everyone.

So a lovely night in New York and a lovely night in Chicago, learning and talking with people I find inspiring as Jews, spiritual leaders, and business leaders. All of this is research for my second book Jewish On Purpose.

Boom.

I volunteered for something that sounded awesome and never thinking there was money involved.

Turns out I'm getting paid!

Thanks for that God! Now, about the $7000 bonus. Since it is apparently going to be $8000, I guess I can wait till tomorrow and tomorrow I'll show you what I can do with $8000.

A Present, For ME!

I decided I now deserve a reward for my good goal-achieving, clutter-clearing efforts.

This is what I really want.
Drooooool.

I'm not quite ready to plunk that kind of money down for myself just yet, though. I need to continue to comparison shop. So, instead, I will treat myself to that shopping spree at Lakeview Art Supply with my nifty 10% off discount for being a Lill Street Art Center member!

$7,000 in a rumor mill

There is a wild rumor spreading that a windfall might be coming my way. I will allow a windfall and look foward to joyfully spending it! In case that windfall is to the tune of $7,000 (and why shouldn't it be) let me tell you what I'm gonna get.

First, I am finally (in real life) getting an mp3 player. A wee 1G player from Samsung and I'm totally stoked about it. A girl needs music for her mp3 player. New music. And why not use iTunes? So, um, $500 on music and mp3 accesories.

As I welcome health and wellbeing into my life, I'm also going to welcome a physical trainer. I'm going to budget $1000 for some physical training that will certainly become a habit. Also, I'll pay in advance my annual Gym Membership. $588. And for Pete's sake Leah, but some new shoes for the gym! The good ones I love are about $90 a pair and I'll take two (rotation is key, my friends.)

I wrote about the upsell I got at my mani/pedi place on Accidentally Jewish. The total for that was $120. I'd like that every month for the next year until I wax away all my leg hair for good. So that is $1440.

Also, I'd like to get into the habit a cut and color every six weeks. That was $140 last time, so the next 12 will get me through about a year and a half and cost a mere $1680. Now all I have to do is find my hairdresser. I'm sure he'll call me soon.

I'll use the remainder for gas and car rentals on more regular trips downstate to see my family. At about $200 a trip, this will do me for 8 trips over the next year. Making me a much better daughter/sister/aunt.

Like I said Rumor Mill. I'll now gladly accept any extra money you've got waiting for me and I'm totally open to it being $7000.

Online Bill Pay - DONE!

Somewhere awhile ago I said I was going to set up all my accounts for online bill pay. Well, it is pretty much done, except for the Direct Loans folks, and that's just because I'm waiting for my PIN to arrive.
Gas, electric, U.S. Cellular, and Comcast are all set up and paid up. Hooray! Talk about eliminating clutter!
I also sent a check off to my accountant and paid my estimated income tax to the state and feds. I have an accountant--that just tickles me. :)
Tonight I was also going to attack the refrigerator, since Peapod is delivering in the morning, but I am only one woman with only so much stamina. I don't want to wear myself out before my me-and-only-me-looking-cute-and-flirting-with-indie-rock-boys concert tomorrow!

About that writing coach.

Deep in my heart, I want Anita Diamant to be my writing coach on Accidentally Jewish. Well, I'm here to report that I asked her.

Sort of.

I emailed her and asked for a referal. I said, "Don't worry, I'm not asking you, but it is my not-so-secret dream that you would be my coach." So I sort of did ask her to be my coach. Regardless, I asked her advice and now it makes me think of the book Dear Mr. Henshaw.

UPDATE: Damn she's fast. She offered to forward my email to a freelance editor.

Good things.

Green tea consumed. Check. Vitamin C taken. Check.

I'm keeping my spa-time going. It's doing me a world of good. Shame on me for not doing it sooner.

$6K and other stuff.

For quite some time, I've wanted to buy a copy of Anita Diamant's The New Jewish Wedding. But since I'm single, I thought it was a silly purchase. Lucky for me, my dad's got really good intuition and he bought it for me. This weekend he gave it to me and said, "No pressure. I just thought you might like this book." Kick Ass. I've skimmed it and am enjoying it. It is definitely adding to my Dream Wedding visualizations and adds to my secret wish "Will Anita please be my writing coach?"

Anywho. I have $6000 to joyously spend today. After seeing some Improv this weekend, I think I want to have another go through the classes at Annoyance. That is $995 for all five (hoping that they'll let me takes Mick's class again when the time comes.)

While I'm at it, I might as well study at that Second City place people are always talking about. After all, all my friends have done it, why not me? That comes to $1315. And the three beginning writing courses, cause why not? $780.

Now to support my Improv classes, I should probably also go to Amsterdam for the weekend to catch a couple Boom Chicago shows, dontcha think? For me and a guest, looks like we'll spend about $100 on food, drinks and the show. Travelocity is telling me that a spontaneous trip to Amsterdam for me and Mr. Wonderful this weekend will be $1929. Perfect!

That leaves me $881 to spend while we are there. I'm sure I can eat, drink, dance, laugh, and dress myself and my guest for $881. It is only a three day trip, after all.

Can anyone suggest a can't miss in Amsterdam?

For Those With Goals Around Learning/Studying/Practicing a Foreign Language

Has anyone else seen this?
http://mylanguageexchange.com/

It looks so very cool!

Okay, seriously, MUST FOCUS ON WORK. MUST. FOCUS. ON. RESUMES.

Stupid rainy day. ;)

Want to feel better about your Coke habit?

Then check this out, and each time you empty a bottle of Coke send off your points to a really good cause (I mean, how many of us do anything with those things anyway?):

http://donateyourcokecodes.blogspot.com/

First Steps

In the past few days, I managed to buy an introductory book on meditation, do some research online about the different sects of Buddhism and Buddhist temples, and bookmarked one in the area that has an overnight Introductory Zen Meditation Retreat. I don't think I'll make the retreat this weekend, but I will be looking in October (FYI, they do have regular classes, but I was much more drawn to the retreat!).
In the interest of clearing clutter, I deleted my myspace account. It was full of stalkers, ex boyfriends, ex boyfriends flirting with new girlfriends, people I don't talk to anymore and general yuck. I'd rather keep in touch with my real friends the old fashioned way.
I am feeling a little ill and yucky today, but I know I am making the right steps toward getting that out of my system. Hooray. 43 Things, you will be knocked out in no time! :-)

Today is a day for self-care.

Yoga.
Kitty snuggle.
Green tea.
Green tea steam facial.
Organic Vitamin C.
Very green, organic dinner.

Shame on me for getting run down. I know better than that. Tsk! Tsk!

In fact, I am doing an experiment. One cup of organic green tea every day for a month. And I'm not just going to drink it. I'm going to stop for a minute, have a little snack, enjoy a nice green tea and chill. Can't hurt. Might help.

$5K and some goalie goals.

Last night I was reviewing Ask And It Is Given. Three of four copies I just bought are already in new hands and I need to review quickly so I can get this into Diane's hands on Sunday at the Blood Drive. Something the book said about manifesting desires is that the thought of the desire, your imaginary experience, your visualization of the desire should be so familiar that the next step is complete manifestation.

I've share with plenty of people my dream wedding and my ideal morning. Dream Wedding is at Berger Park, after sundown on a Saturday night, lots of dancing, and lots of fun. Dream Morning is waking up in a big, white bed with a husband, then writing, drinking coffee, sending him off on his day, and staying home to write my next book. I am very clear on these two things. I am putting them here just to remind God that I am clear on these two things and ready to welcome them into my life.

What to do about the $5,000 then? I've already bought the flowers for the wedding and think I spent $7,000 on them. Have I bought the dress? Is it totally insane to spend $5,000 on a dress? Yes. So I'll allocate $1,200 to material to have a friend make a dress for me that is so fantastic I can't even imagine it. Simple, elegant, and, yes Mom, tatoo covering. Perhaps ivory or pinkish, but not WHITE.

And the $3800 will go towards the Ketubah. I want a custom made, hebrew & english, egalitarian Ketubah. $3800 will allow for an original piece of art marking my marriage.

Today

I'm thinking about:

• Staying
  
• Saving money for a little house in Hyde Park or Oak Park
  
• Finding more freelance work
  
• Giving finding love in Chicago another chance
  

*subject to change with a moment's notice

Goodness!

This Saturday is the blood drive! I was only half-paying attention to the date, as I tend to do.
Hey Leah, I have art class at 1:30pm--I don't know if you were thinking we'd go together (yes? hopefully? bats eyelashes?) but I need to make sure I'm functioning and back in my 'hood by 1:00pm.
Anyway, I am super excited to cross 2 things off of 43 Things so quickly! (give blood, and hopefully find out blood type)
And in the interest of rewarding myself for goals accomplished, (and since I will be having...um...other bleeding taking place this week) I am going to treat myself Thursday or Friday (or heck, maybe both) to one big juicy beefy hamburger to make sure my iron levels are up. Yeah, I know, spinach would do the same, but it's just not quite as indulgent...

43

Here's mine.
What a thrilling Saturday night I've had! No, really, dreaming about 43 things I want to accomplish on a chilly evening with my kitties by my side? Not bad at all.
Also, I am putting myself on a reward system. For example, I wanted to buy new paints and brushes at the art supply store with my nifty discount for being a member at Lill Street Art Center. However, I didn't put it as a goal, because I thought it would be a nice reward for accomplishing the goal of organizing the house better, and organizing the refrigerator. No paints until I do that. And no expensive shoes until I accomplish another of the 43 Things.
P.S.
Who wants to scuba dive and belly dance with me and Amy??

Idea.

Hey-- I was looking over my 43thing.com list today and had an idea. Wouldn't it be nifty if a bunch of us made lists and posted links to each other's lists here so we could check in often. That way, we can see what goals we have in common, what goals to support each other on, etc. Whatddya say?

You can see mine: here

Goal.

I will find great things to wear and a nice hotel to stay in while in Omaha later this week.

I only have so many witty titles about money. $4000

I need to build up my book reserves. Not books I need to read, but books to have on hand to give to people. I don't think every person needs the same five books from me, but I do think that I'd like a big pile to pull from. I'm spending a bulk of today's cash on books to prescribe to friends and give away.

Ask and It Is Given by Jerry and Esther Hicks. I bought four copies of it in my real life and am already down to one. In one day. I'll buy 100 copies at the current sale price of $9, so $900 there. I'm sure I'll qualify for super savings at Amazon.

Love Is The Killer App by Tim Sanders. It is the most important biz book I've read in ages, seriously fantastic. I'll buy 100 copies of it as well. Looks to be in the $11 range, so another $1100.

I would like to have a selection of books for people in various stages of conversion. 9 Questions People Ask About Judaism, Choosing a Jewish Life, The How To Handbook for Jewish Living, and Jewish With Feeling. That's probably a $60 set and I'd like 20 sets on hand. $1200.

And to support writers that I know or have known or want to know, I would also have a stack of Amy's Three Fallen Women, Josh Bell's new book of poetry, Robin and Renee's Shaking her Assets, and a few of Scott Westerberg's books. I'll spend $800 on those.

The idea is as I give books away, books will be given to me. Better than money anyday, knowledge, words, lovely sentences, images... What is better than sharing books? Seriously?

If you had, say $2000, you might...

Now that I have the real life big ticket items out of the way, it is time to start dreaming again. I need two more deep dish pizza pans for challah baking during High Holy Days. That'll be around $40. And I'll need two bags of flour, a dozen eggs, two things of yeast, a bottle of olive oil, a bag of sugar, a box of raisins and a day off work. That's really only about $50 or so. I'll also need to go to swing by a pizza place and get pizza circles. Usually free, but takes some sweet talking.

I need to pay off my balances to my shul and to JUF, so that is about $600. Done. I also want to make a decent gift to the Torah project at my shul, so lets say the rest of the first $1000 will go there. So $310 to the Torah project. I'll buy the section where something fantastic happens to Leah in the Torah. There has to be one good line in there about her, right?

During High Holidays, I think I'll need a massage. After all that challah making, I might be stiff. I also want the viche water thingy at the spa near me. So I'm going to allocate $200 towards relaxation and rejuvination. And I think I'll hop into a rented convertible while the weather is still nice and drive down to my sister's and then over to my parents and then wind my way back north looking at fall leaves and drinking fresh apple cider.

And I'll buy some new shoes. A girl always needs new shoes, right?

Okay, and something for me too...

I will spend $1000 on credit card debt (which actually pays a card off), and $677 on two round-trip tickets to Wichita, Kansas for Dave and I. We're going to visit Grandma and some friends that I went to school with. The remaining $323 will go towards renting a car, gas, and entertainment while we are there.

I know visiting Grandma might not sound like the most exciting thing on the planet, but I would be thrilled to have a little extra cash and the time off of work to do so. I miss her like crazy, and haven't seen her since last Thanksgiving. I'm fortunate enough to have both of my grandmothers in my life currently, and I never get to see either one of them because one is in Kansas and the other is in Ohio. When I go to Ohio I'm usually visiting my mom who doesn't live near my grandma.

I also haven't seen one of my college friends, Mel, in about five years. Her daughter who I haven't met is three or something, and my best friend, Kristen, just had a baby in July. I haven't seen Kristen in over two years. They both live within 60 miles of my grandma so I'll be visiting them too. Yay!

Refocusing

My mind has spun in a few different directions about where I want to be at this time next year. I'm going to take the remainder of this week/end to think about what I want to accomplish here next.
Anyway, I don't think I've crossed off a single goal yet so I need to put my nose to the grindstone! (and sharpen my boogers)
Hey Leah, any new details on the blood drive? I'm ready, willing, and able to give!

Start at the very beginning.

Now that I've allowed myself to spend real money on things I've wanted for over a year, it is time to figure out what I want next. I've been purging my closet, because the truth is I'm not going to wear that stuff again. Yes, I loved each and every piece at one time, but no longer.

So I'm taking my $1000 and going to two stores.

Lane Bryant and Vive La Femme.

I want sexy jeans that fit the body I have today. I want some fabulous tops that never need to be ironed. I want superfantastic skirts. I want earings and belts. I want clothes that make me want to get dressed in the morning. I want to feel like a movie star, even if I'm just going to the coffee shop.

I want to get even more cat calls when I walk up the street. I LOVE me some cat calls. I know, not very feminist of me, but I love them. Cat call away at me and my sexy new $1000 wardrobe.

First $1000

I will spend $1000 to get my husband's driver's license out of hoc. (Long, long story...)

Whew. That was easy. Now let's see how much debt I can spend down in a week. And we'll also see if I can get blogging again!

More Real Dollars Spent

Yesterday I accepted a ride to IKEA from Ashqi. She was thinking about going, so I went along. You know, for company. And I came home with.....

BAR STOOLS!

In the last month, I have allowed myself to buy.
1. New linens, a duvet, and a duvet cover.
2. A brand new desk.
3. Proper organizational tools for my closet.
4. Four 24 3/4 inch bar stools.

My condo now has everything I need. I can now have people over for dinner and offer them a seat. Last night to celebrate having seating, Ted and Dondi came down to play games.

Hooray! Hooray! Hooray!

So that's a savings of...

Today I treated myself to a new closet system. Yes, the Elfa system from Container Store that I've been eyeing for a year. That it is the one. The one I've spent 1200 imaginary dollars on every time I've bought it here.

Today I bought it with Real Dollars. And?

I SAVED $800!!!! In reality, I only spent $400! I expected to pay $1200 and it was only $400!!!! If that ain't prosperity game working, I don't know what is?!?!?!?

(testing for work, ignore, ignore.)

Picking up Where I left Off ($4,000)

My new job is turning into lots of fun, I must say. This game works wonder and quickly. For Four Thousand, I will take a bunch of new clothes for the Fall. Cashmere sweaters and boots, coats and hats, gloves and leggings. Would love to get the photos on here, but I still haven't been able to figure that cut and paste thing so well. Better to write it all down and paste in photos later. My new schedule, route and position are going well. I even got an extension on my acting class. The new job thing really took a lot of energy. Pictures coming soon.

Holy Manifestation Batman!

There is a woman in my office with a dry erase board at her desk. The headline on it is "Don't you just hate that?" and every day it is dedicated to a new pet peeve or negative thing in her life. When I walk by and read it, it brings me down. I don't want to think about negative things, bleh.

Everyday this week when I've walked by I've thought to myself, "I should just change it to 'love' or ask her to change it to 'love.' I bet she'd feel better everyday if she mentioned one great thing every morning instead of trying to come up with something negative. I decided this morning that I was going to blog about her sign, it drives me so crazy.

I just came back from the bathroom and her sign says, "Don't you just LOVE that?" today. She changed it on her own. Without me saying a damn word. It is now a board about wonderful things and not about negative things.

Hope I didn't step on her creative toes by wishing that it would change from Hate to Love.