Today. Just today.

(Thinking more about yesterday's post, I realized that I am a little emotionally dualistic, perhaps....? I feel like I can have Shit Happen and still be a happy, postive and appreciative person. It's like that thing moms say sometimes, "I love you, but right now I don't like what you're doing." That sort of thing. I can love life and think in a positive manner and still experience whatever. Does that make sense? Maybe that's how my sense of self-reliance works? I don't know. I just know that hard times came in my life when I didn't allow myself to experience whatever I was feeling. The example that comes to mind is when a friend passed away after a long illness. I immediately gathered people and raised money for a research and advocacy association, but I didn't let myself grieve her because I thought it would have been negative. And, at that time in my life, I was so terribly afraid of showing any "negative" emotion. Riasing money wasn't a bad thing, no, but being so determined to make things positive, I wasn't allowing myself to be a human being. What did I think? By admitting that something un-positive had happened and that I had an un-positive emotion to process, woudl i safeguard my life from anything further grief? No. Would I cease to be a positive person, a fun person, a likeable person by sitting in the middle of whatever emotion I had and accepting it? No.

But, it took me a lot of time and work to realize that. And, one day I realized that because every emotion that might ever bubble up is valid just for the mere fact that it did indeed pop up. And, once I had that thought, I sort of began to see every emotion as positive because it meant I was alive and living and not blocking anything that came up.

But, when I am upset about something, I get right down in it and think about it and write about it and then it clears really quickly. So, I perhaps wasn't considering that other people have situations where things snowball. Some are passers. Some are spiralers. We just are. I'm a passer. I'm such a passer that if I don't get to the bottom of an emotion, of a something, that's when trouble and emotional blocked-ed-ness comes in for me.

So, we tend to deal with people the way we feel we want to be treated, and sometimes I've been accused of "asking questions that make (people) wallow" when I just subconsciously assume everyone feels the tug of getting it all out, getting to the bottom of it, squashing it and considering it before it can be constructive and/or useful to them. I didn't consider that some people need to pull out of something to keep it light. I will be more mindful of that. In general, in life, not just here.

This is just me, thinking en blog, outloud, whatever. It is timed well, for the High Holidays and all.)

That's the most I've ever enclosed in parenthesis, I can assure you.

Now! My friend dared me to take three self-portraits. One looking "bad", one looking "great" and one I would call a "risk". I accepted her challenge (she was given the challenge, did it and claims it is liberating and fun and bonding and revealing and clarifying and transformative.). I want a buddy or two or few to do it with me, though. Huh? Anyone? Hello? Is this thing on? Maybe we could post our three pics here? She claims it is

I bought an external hard drive today. I didn't go for the cheapest, I got the best for for my needs, that is of a great quality and will last and be reliable and give me the security I want. Voila!

I would like today, to put some money into of my prosperity account because this dress is adorable. And, because this and this would be happily worn.

Um, and i could go from some good Spanish wine and tapas. Let's go to Seville tonight and have cafe au lait and fresh croissant in the morning in Paris? I'm buying.